Posts tagged ‘love’

12 February 2019

I’m not into Valentine’s, but…

by misslampa

20190209_152924Skies were overcast and it was snowing last Saturday here in the lovely hipster town of Higashikawa, but I geared up, headed out, and went cross-country skiing anyway.

It’s not that I’ve fallen in love with the sport, but classic クロカン (read as kurokan and short for “cross-country”) skiing is beginning to have the same effect that running had on me when I took it up about seven years ago. You step forward with your left foot and then with your right and then again with your left and soon enough, your head is clear and that immediate next step is all you think about. I’m not there yet, but I imagine cross-country skiing will have a similar meditative lightness to it.

I’ll also be joining my first cross-country skiing race in less than a month, and I have every intention to progress from waddling to sliding before then. Because given that I signed up for the shortest course (only 1km long!) and will be skiing with babies and toddlers and their parents mostly, my motivation to become better is fueled by this burning desire to not fall and squish little people come race day.

I guess I was too focused on that while I was out skiing because I was already back in the parking lot when I realized it was the weekend before Valentine’s Day, and all I have for company are my skis and all this vastness around me.


That thought stayed with me during the drive home, and I remembered what my best friend suggested I tell people when they pry into my (lack of a) love life: that skiing keeps me busy.

It can be your alibi, he told me in jest.

This, after he also just reminded me to be more open to romantic love instead of saying no to possibilities even before exploring them. Several chat lines after, being in love has suddenly turned into a crime but thanks to cross-country skiing, I can enter a plea of not guilty?

It amused me, his not-so-subtle use of reverse psychology. So I smiled while insisting I didn’t want an alibi because this time, I’d rather find and be found.

I wanted to listen to Jollibee and have faith in love, I said.

It was cheesy and all, but he was kind enough to laugh. And then we ran out of things to say, so we just left it at that.

17 March 2013

The Look of Love

by misslampa
Giddy and grateful, definitely. But in love? Whatever.

Giddy and grateful, definitely.
But in love? Whatevs.


At no other point in my life have I been told this often that I am sporting the look of love.

I don’t remember exactly when it began, just that people started pointing it out some time last year. There’s something about my aura in the pictures I post on Facebook, they say. Or something about my eyes when I remove my nerdy specs. Or something about my smile. And before I can even say a word, they follow up right away with query after query about this supposed someone who’s bringing this something  into my aura, about this guy who’s putting this something on my face.

They don’t use those words exactly. There are way too many somethings in the last paragraph, and of course, my friends are more eloquent than that.

So for the most part, they skip all the polite inquiry and just repeatedly accuse me of being in love.

And I, for the most part as well, just laugh it off. Then I attribute whatever it is they’re seeing to whatever I feel like saying at that moment – from living in a foreign country to getting enough sleep or even having better makeup skills.

It’s  one habit I’m starting to get good at, actually, which is why I was surprised when reading this bit on a message thread with my MA-classmates-turned-friends got me to shut up:


We are all different now… Donna has the look, hair, eyebrows… as if she is coming into a romance.

Here are some of my friends from the uni. Hieu is the pretty girl in a pink dress.

Here are some of my friends from the uni.
Hieu is the pretty girl in a pink dress.


It’s not the simple yet poetic phrasing that got me, I think, but the fact that the words came from someone who does not know me as well as everyone else who has been insisting all this time that that look on my face is the look of love.

Ha! It’s funny how we sometimes choose to ignore feedback from the universe until it’s delivered through someone who knows close to nothing about us.

Granted, Hieu’s not a complete stranger to me and we’ve actually become quite good friends. We’ve taken a lot of classes together and talked about life at and outside of grad school. But apart from classroom teaching and the English language and good food, she doesn’t know a lot about what and who I’ve loved in this lifetime. She’s not privy to what and who I’ve stopped loving, and more importantly, what and who have a hold on me still.


Because I can’t accuse her of prying into my affairs or insinuating something about my past or having an agenda, I’m left with no other choice but to listen and consider if there’s truth in what she’s saying.

So in the wee hours of this quiet Sunday morning, I stand in front of my bedroom mirror and stare at my reflection for a good five, ten minutes, all the while thinking of my other well-meaning friends who have dared to ask that one thing I don’t even dare ask myself these days:


"What and who has your heart, Donna? What and who do you love?"

“What and who has your heart, Donna? What and who do you love?” Ang hirap naman! (That’s such a tough question!)


I don’t have the answers just yet, so it’s a good thing I don’t feel such a strong urge to know them all at this point.

Likewise, I still don’t see that something which is supposedly in my aura or on my face. But at least, for the first time since it has been pointed out to me months ago, I’m starting to believe that it’s there. Ü




Short but sweet thank-you’s go to Dee, Nasime, and Chris who took the pictures I used for this post.^^

8 August 2012

I remembered a scene from my dream this morning.

by misslampa

I’m sadly not the type who’s privy to what goes on in my head while I’m asleep, but in a rare feat, I remembered a scene from my dream this morning.


– – – – –


Yes, Coco Martin once wanted me by his side, but before you send me hate mail, let me just make it clear that he’s never appeared in any of my dreams. Down, ladies!


– – – – –


I was having dinner with a love interest from waaaay back who once broke my heart by saying he couldn’t love me back. We were in one of those places where the soft lights make everything delicate and romantic, and the clinking of wine glasses turns each moment into a dream.

(But it WAS a dream, remember? The wine and the glasses probably have nothing to do with it, stupid.)

We were seated at a table for two by the glass window, and I was looking at the city lights outside as he rambled on and on about the big and little things he adored about me, and about the exact moment he realized that he did love me, too. But that by then, he had already told me otherwise and thought it best to just leave things be.

I looked nonchalant, but I probably asked him why he didn’t tell me about all this then, because what followed were the only words from the dream that I could remember.

Oh, but I did tell you about it. You just didn’t know I was talking about you.

I turned my head to look at him with kind eyes, not knowing whether I should punch his arm in jest or just laugh it all off because it all seemed too long ago, and as it turns out, time does have a way of making everything  lighter and funnier, without necessarily making any of it less true.

Then right on cue, the sun roused me from my sleep.

– – – – –

At saan naman kaya nanggaling ‘to? (I wonder, what could’ve triggered all this?) It must be the monsoon rains back home, misslampa. It’s got to be those rains.

But seriously, I had this dream after I read Dat’s tender post about the time she waded through the flooded streets of Manila and learned about love. I think my dream is a spin-off of her “Years Later, Now” entry, which, believe me, gives more justice to this type of an-almost-love-story storyline. Do yourself a favor and read her more of her work here.

With that, I bid the world good night. My course readings – my real-life love as of the moment – are waiting for me. It’s time to step out of dreamland now.