Archive for March, 2013

17 March 2013

The Look of Love

by misslampa
Giddy and grateful, definitely. But in love? Whatever.

Giddy and grateful, definitely.
But in love? Whatevs.

 

At no other point in my life have I been told this often that I am sporting the look of love.

I don’t remember exactly when it began, just that people started pointing it out some time last year. There’s something about my aura in the pictures I post on Facebook, they say. Or something about my eyes when I remove my nerdy specs. Or something about my smile. And before I can even say a word, they follow up right away with query after query about this supposed someone who’s bringing this something  into my aura, about this guy who’s putting this something on my face.

They don’t use those words exactly. There are way too many somethings in the last paragraph, and of course, my friends are more eloquent than that.

So for the most part, they skip all the polite inquiry and just repeatedly accuse me of being in love.

And I, for the most part as well, just laugh it off. Then I attribute whatever it is they’re seeing to whatever I feel like saying at that moment – from living in a foreign country to getting enough sleep or even having better makeup skills.

It’s  one habit I’m starting to get good at, actually, which is why I was surprised when reading this bit on a message thread with my MA-classmates-turned-friends got me to shut up:

 

We are all different now… Donna has the look, hair, eyebrows… as if she is coming into a romance.

Here are some of my friends from the uni. Hieu is the pretty girl in a pink dress.

Here are some of my friends from the uni.
Hieu is the pretty girl in a pink dress.

 

It’s not the simple yet poetic phrasing that got me, I think, but the fact that the words came from someone who does not know me as well as everyone else who has been insisting all this time that that look on my face is the look of love.

Ha! It’s funny how we sometimes choose to ignore feedback from the universe until it’s delivered through someone who knows close to nothing about us.

Granted, Hieu’s not a complete stranger to me and we’ve actually become quite good friends. We’ve taken a lot of classes together and talked about life at and outside of grad school. But apart from classroom teaching and the English language and good food, she doesn’t know a lot about what and who I’ve loved in this lifetime. She’s not privy to what and who I’ve stopped loving, and more importantly, what and who have a hold on me still.

 

Because I can’t accuse her of prying into my affairs or insinuating something about my past or having an agenda, I’m left with no other choice but to listen and consider if there’s truth in what she’s saying.

So in the wee hours of this quiet Sunday morning, I stand in front of my bedroom mirror and stare at my reflection for a good five, ten minutes, all the while thinking of my other well-meaning friends who have dared to ask that one thing I don’t even dare ask myself these days:

 

"What and who has your heart, Donna? What and who do you love?"

“What and who has your heart, Donna? What and who do you love?” Ang hirap naman! (That’s such a tough question!)

 

I don’t have the answers just yet, so it’s a good thing I don’t feel such a strong urge to know them all at this point.

Likewise, I still don’t see that something which is supposedly in my aura or on my face. But at least, for the first time since it has been pointed out to me months ago, I’m starting to believe that it’s there. Ü

 

 

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Short but sweet thank-you’s go to Dee, Nasime, and Chris who took the pictures I used for this post.^^

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