Zap me.

by misslampa

My French student told me that we’ll keep on making the same mistakes until we “get an electrocution” [her exact words, I swear ü], that what-the-hell-I-didn’t-see-this-coming-and-I-can’t-believe-I’m-here-but-oh-lookie-I-really-am-in-knee-deep-shit-and-there’s-just-no-denying-it moment which will shock us right back into our senses and remind us to prioritize that which is truly essential.

Although I wanted to completely agree with what she was saying, a part of me just can’t seem to. Because I don’t remember ever getting shocked out of my wits but there’s just no way I’m going to concede that I haven’t learned anything from life.

But here’s the thing. I also want her to be right.

Once in a while, my gut friends from college remind me of how boring I am because I’ve managed to keep my life mostly drama-free. [Perhaps they are the only ones with enough guts to be so -in-your-face about it. It’s amazing what UP does to people.] Well, I’ve had to work to put myself through school and I’ve nursed a broken heart and my mom said I once got myself to stop crying by eating my own poop when I was barely a year old. If not the first two, I’m sure the last one should be considered dramatic, right?

But I also think I’ve been given the grace to take it all in stride – triumphs, mishaps, everything. I raise hell to have my way in life at times but when I don’t emerge victorious, I forgive myself for not making it and the world for not making way for me, and then I let go.

But on this rainy summer night, as I watch lightning after lightning brighten up the night sky, I feel like I wouldn’t mind getting “electrocuted” if that would make me more human. More alive. More real. Perhaps my learner’s right; that moment of shock could be just what my heart needs.

19 Apr 2009, 11:13 p.m.

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