Archive for February, 2009

23 February 2009

Write, dammit. Write!

by misslampa

I said I’d write a blog entry each month so that I’d have something to fall back on when my mind starts to fail me. But now I realize I overlooked one tiny, insignificant detail when I made that promise.

I forgot that there are going to be times when I badly want to forget.

Take this month, for example. A colleague was laid off, friends got sick and had to miss work even if they didn’t want to, some people who are very dear to me are going through some rough times, and my boss just told the team I never missed a class in 2008, thereby confirming what everybody could only surmise to be true up until this time. Now nobody would have to second-guess whether I really don’t have much of a life, bummer.

Simply put, I’ve been putting off writing this blog for weeks because to do so would require me to play and replay every detail in my head until something starts to make sense. At least then, I could convince myself that hey, I do want to capture who I am and how I see the world at this point in time after all.
I think my good friend Althea is right all along [and just for the record, she often is]. Maybe the point is to not understand – and, if I may humbly add, to be at peace with this unnerving thought and to choose to keep moving even if that could be a difficult thing to do.

So here I go writing about being unable to fully get life even if a part of me would rather not have this immortalized. This facet of mine is as real as the other ones, after all, and perhaps, when I chance upon this post some months or years after, I’d be grateful to have something to remind me about one more detail, albeit not-so-insignificant this time. That despite what we have to put up with and what we have to go through at times, this shit, this world, this life – the now can’t help but be beautiful simply because it is and will always be undeniably real.

And for me, that’s as good a reason as any to stare into space and write.



For everyone who’s had one hell of a week – or a life, for that matter.